Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Malaise conquered

I felt so weird going back to school. This sense like the previous year hadn't actually ended and I was coming back after a long break -- winter, spring, whatever. Fueled maybe by the whole high-level intense summer work in education, but I didn't have a tremendous amount of passion and energy, especially after Day 1. I wanted the old kids back. The thought of building the whole relationship back up, learning all the motivations (big and small) for all these dozens of kids (again), figuring out how to come at this one or that one or that one, that the first week connotes all this heaviness that will have to be reinforced or lost, that you're being over-analyzed to death by all of em sitting out there, and I gotta convince you to work for yourself, I gotta convince you to work for yourself.

Or maybe just this, the post-partem down after test score vindication, after triumph, after realization of life and validity built into a slogan and rallying cry. We did all this, look!, we did all this, I did some of it, too, I worked my ass off -- not terribly creatively or innovatively -- but bulldog style, I moved all of these kids from here to here and that's awesome and great and I'm proud of them and happy that in terms of academic gatekeeping and life-choice they are increasing becoming positioned for equal access, but here and now it doesn't matter at all. It doesn't matter at all because now there's 60 new ones and the same goal/ mission is laid down except it's not the same, it's more because what people didn't expect or didn't expect quite so much of is now expected. You did good, now do it again. And next year they'll be just as low: Do it again. And then they'll be maybe lower: Do it again.

Except really, do it better.

Today I shook it off, pretty much. Today I was a machine, a big-ass tank and I just rolled em with fast-paced, tight-packed shit, here comes the content, here comes the homework, and I got em thinking yeah, 30 minutes is actually a pretty good deal (until next week when it's an hour plus). It felt good to hit em with this stuff I've taught a million times it feels like, today the most focused, effective version of em all. Nouns, plot mountain, short vowels, and how to complete your vocabulary notebook, and your starter/closer log. And aw man, the hands were up in the air today.


Blogger posthipchick said...


8:22 PM  

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