Yes, I Am A Degenerate
After being over-served with manycoldbeers last night I was allegedly involved in an altercation of sorts, the result of which is a tri-colored left eye, swollen, gross. I need to teach looking like this, an unshaven, black-eyed bum. I am reminded of my buddy [Aquinas'] trials and tribulations, trying to cover the Democractic National Covention for his newspaper while sporting a massive shiner. I don't have to talk to political figures; I just need to work with kids.
So I need a cover story. Any suggestions?
Update: I'm going with the playing-catch-and-looked-away-and-got-hit-in-the-eye defense. Seems to be playing fairly well.
Update Redux: I'm bored telling the football story. I've switched it to my-mom-hit-me-because-I-only-read-3o-minutes-nightly-instead-of-45-minutes.
So I need a cover story. Any suggestions?
Update: I'm going with the playing-catch-and-looked-away-and-got-hit-in-the-eye defense. Seems to be playing fairly well.
Update Redux: I'm bored telling the football story. I've switched it to my-mom-hit-me-because-I-only-read-3o-minutes-nightly-instead-of-45-minutes.
posted by Kilian Betlach at 11:04 AM
7 Comments:
You obviously were defending the honor of your basketball team against the inexplicably violent fan of the BIG Christian high school on the hill!
If it was me, I'd say I got mugged.
Once I was leaving a library and someone pushed open the door and it smacked me in the face and I got an eye like the one you're describing.
Nothing more wholesome than being at the library...
J.
I once was opening my car trunk and got too close to the trunk lid as it swung open. I looked like a domestic abuse victim for a week or two but at least everyone believed my story (I think).
Do you have any theater friends who could loan some concealer? Or maybe you could put a gauze patch on your eye for a day or two just to look more tragic and get everyone's sympathies worked up.
I once took a racquetball to the face and even though I was wearing safety glasses I ended up with a shiner and a cut eyelid. Also, a pair of broken safetly glasses.
Liz from I speak of Dreams.
Testosterone poisoning, dude.
I like the second rationalization -- maybe your kids will too.
Or just plain, "I had an accident. Show me your homework."
I like the one about your mom...Teaches a lesson, ya know?
This reminds of a friend of mine who found himself in that manycoldbeers situation one Friday night and some how ended up with some wicked hickeys that were the star attraction at the basketball game he had to coach the next day.
A black eye leaves more the imagination.
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