Saturday, July 21, 2007

Health Class Diary

A running record of the pursuit of higher certification.

8:54 I walk in. Where's the agenda? Where are the objectives? I immediately want to being filling out + / Δ forms.

9:17 First egregiously late individual arrives. I'm setting the over/ under on lateness at thirty-minutes.

9:22 Rules. There are rules. No computers, no reading, no newspapers, no cell phones, no grading papers. It's clear I can pen blog entries, however, if for no other reason than writing looks like work. Back in college I was working on becoming a novelist, and throwing a chapter down into a notebook always looked like taking notes. My big concern today is there will not be enough actual content to justify fake note-taking.

10:13 Apparently we will perform yoga today. I'm frankly terrified. Can I please read something and write critically about it?

10:27 If you took the under on lateness your wallet is considerably lighter right now.

11:03 Yoga makes my neck and quads feel weird. In other news, the overhead doesn't work.

11:08 I fail to participate in the discussion of spiritual health... and the odds-makers take a beating.

11:15 I learn that violence, which is unavoidable, is a major health issue.

11:16 I learn that war, which is horrible, is a major health issue.

11:40 Most egregiously late person continues to over-compensate by over-sharing, over-participating, and over-personalizing.

11:55 The starfish analogy comes out... and the odds-makers take a beating.

12:05 Topics covered since the starfish analogy include role of the counselor, off-base parental expectations, importance of school board meeting attendance, grant-writing, fieldtrips, how teachers know better than district office employees. I can't believe we haven't talked about Donor's Choose yet.

12:08 Yes! We talk about Donor's Choose. Thank God.

1:56 During the lunch break I eat Thai food and return to class feeling decidedly unhealthy. I engage in a great deal of self-talk regarding whether or not this constitutes an example of situational or dramatic irony (perhaps you've read D. Eggers' screed on the topic, penned with all his trademark dog-chasing-its-tail logic). I decide that merely feeling unhealthy in a health class does not in and of itself satisfy the requirements of irony. If the health class were actually making me unhealthy, rather than merely providing a venue in which I felt less than healthy, then we'd find ourselves in an ironic situation, but in the absence of this, we're simply dealing with an interesting coincidence.

3:02 Group work ends. My group is assigned meth. We're supposed to present for 20 minutes. We're supposed to be creative. We're supposed to have hand-outs. My group decides to play a game called "Name That Addict." This is not my idea. I go to the bathroom twice.

3:05 Time wasting begins while waiting for the arrival of a guest speaker. My group discusses the problematic nature of working in a professional environment with women. This segues nicely into a thorough and thought-provoking analysis of a potential Hillary Clinton presidency. I go to the bathroom.

3:27 The sun has come out and shines beautifully. Our guest speaker addresses, in great and abiding detail, the topic of depression. This is not ironic either.

4:45 Class is dismissed, and I am now a more effective educator.


Blogger posthipchick said...

I took this class eight months pregnant. I was miserable the entire time. I'm so sorry for your suffering.

7:45 PM  
Blogger mari said...

Was it a BTSA class? Sounds like!

10:41 PM  
Blogger ms-teacher said...

I'm so glad that that part of my teaching career is OVER! Sorry you had such a painful day. I hope in the evaluation you wrote about the instructor's late arrival.

10:32 AM  
Blogger Jack said...

Let’s not forget that starfish have no brains. Really.

8:56 PM  

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